5 Softening
Understanding Softening
Practice Visual
Guided Practice
Softening - Long Version
Softening - Short Version
Core Instructions
What
Cultivating a foundation of body and mind that allows to weaken any negative habits i.e., resistance-based and strengthening any positive habits i.e., equanimity-based
Benefits
Softness as one's Guide
thoughts, opinions, values, behavior etc., are filtered and guided by softness
Weakening of Negative Habits
Facilitating & Strengthening of Positive Habits
Calm & Relaxation
Clarity
Understanding of the nature of the mind and its habits
Progress
Recognize
Excessive Effort
Necessary Effort
Effortlessness
Release/Softening into
Excessive Effort
Strengthening Softness/Effortlessness
Enjoyment
Release of Effort
Effortlessness
Understanding the Recurring Nature
Nowhere to get to
Naturally cycling through recognize release enjoy
Bringing softness to every experience
Instructions
Recognizing
Disenchanting with Non-Softness
Enchanting with Softness
Softening
Releasing the excessive effort underlying non-softness
Supporting the softness to grow
Enjoy
Enjoying the relief or deepening of how nice it feels to let go
Fades & Repeat
Consider
Nowhere to get to
Following your mind's response rather than forcing it to be a certain way
Cycling naturally through the phases of recognize release enjoy or distress, letting go and calm
Opportunity View
Every moment is an opportunity to update one's habits towards
becoming disenchanted with excessive effort, and enchanted with letting go
weakening habits based on excessive effort and strengthening habits based on letting go
Daily Life
Allowing Softness to guide you.
Softening into any softness present and noticing how it benefits you & your environment
e.g., gratitude, calm
Softening into any non-softness present and notice how it benefits you & your environment
e.g., stress, tension, fear
Acknowledgement
Elaboration
Introduction
This practice develops the skill to relax the effort in our mind via
relaxation of body via exhale
relaxation of the mind via relaxing the eyes & frontal lobe of the brain
Please note that when you read 'frontal lobe of the brain' that this relates to how it feels like experientially, not necessarily actually being the frontal lobe of the brain which is relaxed. It is the felt-sense that is described.
Practice
Relaxing the Body
Contact the relaxation of the whole of your body on every exhale
Notice the relaxation, softening of your eyes, jaw, shoulders, arms, etc.
Notice the release of effort underlying tension within your body - on every exhale
Enjoy the pleasure from releasing effort - on every exhale
Gently slow down the exhale to intensify the relaxation
Slow down in a comfortable and gentle way.
Discomfort is a sign of excessive trying, hence relax and be more gentle.
Relaxing the Mind
Bring your awareness to the exhale on the tip of the nose
Relax your eyes and the frontal lobe of your brain on every exhale
This may be experienced as e.g., eyes becoming heavy, falling asleep, sigh, relief, surrendering, letting go
You may also notice the rest of your body relaxing, releasing effort
Notice that when you relax the eyes & frontal lobe - mental activity such as thinking reduce or stop
Notice the effort underlying mental activity
Enjoy the letting go of effort underlying mental activity
A significant amount of our negative experiences, that is physical or mental pain is caused by Non-Equanimity. That is by our own resistance to the experience, not the experience itself.
Suffering = Pain (of actual experience) X Resistance (to actual experience)
Softening helps to reduce physical and most importantly, mental resistance via releasing the effort required for resisting.
Why we practice how we practice
Relaxing the eyes & frontal lobe of your brain
I experience the reduction or stopping of some mental activities when I relax the area around and just behind my eyes.
Effort
Effort underlies mental activity such as negative rumination, resistance to our experience
Softening allows to release that effort in a gentle way and with it the reduction of negative rumination and resistance
Slowing down the breathing
Slowing down the breathing facilitates calmness which facilitates releasing effort
Slowing down allows us to simply have more time on every softening which facilitates deepening
Essence
Ability to notice & release the resistance & effort within the mind
Unable to notice
Unable to release
Ability to notice most
Ability to release most
Ability to notice all
Ability to release all
Example
Ruminating due to being afraid of a conversation or meeting
Mind is free to continue ruminating
The fuel of ruminating & fear is noticed and slowly reduced
Rumination slowly decreases
Rumination & fear gradually but consistently vanish
Intention
Noticing the moments of non-equanimity that is when you dislike or excessively long for something. Soften the effort underlying those.
Enjoy the pleasure of relief. The relief from releasing effort and struggling.
Common Scenarios
Before a frightening conversation or meeting
Noticing the tensions and fear within the body, the activity within the mind and take some softening breaths
Having anger towards another or one-self
Notice the tension within the body, the activity of the mind and take some softening breaths
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